The Me I Used to Know

So many things I fear to do, or things I’m too tired to do, or things that seem too hard to do sometimes...triggers seem to hold me down and I allow em to run my life. I just feel stuck when I can’t think fast or enjoy what I used to, I keep thinking after the losses I can’t go back to the me I used to know.

I never used to be
Able to confine a joke inside of me
I’d sing whatever song came to mind
Now I’ve left that all behind
It seems every shower time
I touch emotions with my rhyme
Once upon a year past, I’d never fear to go
Explore the heart of the me I used to know

I used to find joy and keep up with the game
Of life and most any sport you name
Handling everything that came my way
With ease of a mind that never strayed
Felt confident in my doula passion
Ready to follow my true birthie passion
Until once upon a year ago
I abandoned the me I used to know

My arms then weren’t full of lead
Many thoughts raced through my head
I was devoid of this emptiness
Never thought I’d have babies to miss
Fun me rushed through my veins
Where now the numbness reins
Those roads I never feared to go
Belong to the me I used to know

My body never felt so dead
It was easier to get outta bed
Looked forward to each day
Laughed at funnies my kids would say
Was always quick with wit
Now it tends to take a little bit
My mind seems now to go
Stuck with the me I used to know

Tried not to shy from God’s Will
Now I find myself hiding still
As if in the Garden, clothed, ashamed
Hesitant to come when He called me by name
To find out what it means to answer His call
After taking and refusing to leave last years fall
Afraid to now spring and go
Try out the new version of the me I used to know