![]() With my husband and kids and friends gathered round, I could barely utter a coherent sound. During the burial rite I whispered lest I cry. But goofed around as I lowered them down. Joked with my kids about playing in dirt, wondered why I didn’t feel sad and hurt. My world is upside down Yet I seem like a clown Nothing seems real Shock is what I feel You see me smile You wonder all the while Where are my tears Why aren’t they here This is no time to joke Why can’t I be serious like other folk Like I just don’t understand The serious time at hand You wonder why I don’t cry Why my emotional responses are awry My façade is strong Though it seems so wrong This should be grief My joy robbed by a thief Happiness taken a break Yet I think it’s all a mistake Like this box I bury isn’t mine Pile on the dirt, and I’ll be fine Everything settles like the dust Return to life as I must Looking back on each time Amidst the sorrow, I was sublime Yet afterwards the rain would fall Winds would blow, and sorrow call Yet everyone else had moved on Solemn faces from that day were gone Each time I feel I missed my chance To join with others in the dance The emotions came too late for me When everyone else could all see I was blind and so After that day, their emotions would go Since then I’ve been like a lonely tree Standing against the force from the sea Expected to return to my norm Feeling left alone to weather the storm Why did I have to seem so tame Why can’t everyone’s feelings be the same It appeared I didn’t comprehend So the wrong message I did send How I wish our emotions would align Or that somehow you’d see a sign Stages of grief are in disarray So they shouldn’t be arranged that way
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Danielle Erwin
is a Catholic mom of six children, four of whom are here on earth and two who have been called Home. Writing is her way of putting her tears of grief to words, as she wishes to help mothers who have also experienced loss on their journey towards healing. Archives
July 2019
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